Excuses

I don't even know where I stand with this whole "blogging" thing anymore. My life this past school year has been consumed with finding out who my real friends are, and I think I may have found it in a group of girls who I think know me better then I even know myself. I'm so content with the life that I'm leading as of now, It's a beautiful kind of contentment. Not the kind that causes you not to grow as a person. Not the kind that leads you to be too complacent. Just the feeling that everything is balanced and all is well in my own little world.

I'm hoping to start blogging a lot this summer. Hopes aren't always realized, but I feel as if my hiatus needs to be done and why not start the summer before my sophomore year?

I hope all is well with everyone. I hope that someone is going to be here to read all of this. Having that said, I understand that a lot of people who used to read all this junk have probably moved on as well, but who knows, I could come to be pleasantly surprised :)

It's begining to feel an awful lot like Christmas

The weather is miserable, I thought I was ready for sweaters and uggs but I was very wrong. I miss my summer dresses. I also miss beachy waves....I'm at that stage where all you want is for your hair to grow, you know when you tug on it constantly as if that'd help it to grow any longer.

Thank you Dakotah and fam!

Thanksgiving was absolutely wonderful. Both my parents had to work so my friend Dakotah and her beyond amazing family invited me to come with them to have thanksgiving with their family. We played games and ate yummy food. I've found that i really like seeing how other families do things. You always feel that warm family love during the holidays....I just hope everyone gets to feel that.


What are your families holiday traditions? No matter what Holiday you celebrate!

infinite x's and o's,
Raigan


Currently listening to: Belle of the Bouelevard by: Dashboard confessional
Dancing with Myself by: Billy Idol

I'm gonna miss this

I will miss football season. One more game? Really guys, where does time go?

Hope you're lives have been filled with love and joy...I'm getting there

-Raigan

Listening to: Cholesterol by Alexander

You're Hardly Alive by Darien

What I Love Wednesday: Cupcakes and TOMS

Does loving cupcakes, especially Halloween themed ones, really need to be justified?

I went to a talk on campus on Tuesday night given by Blake Mycoskie, the founder of TOMS shoes. It definitely made me think about how I would like to run a business someday. The passion he had for his business was inspiring, and I hope that someday I can have that much love for a cause and business. It was awesome to hear how TOMS became successful almost overnight, and now they've surpassed their goal of 250 by far.

TOMS are shoes that you buy and then the company gives a pair to a child in need. It's not just another charity, TOMS makes sure that the people that get their shoes also get new pairs as they grow out or wear out the shoes. Buy a pair. Give a TOMS gift card for Christmas. Give a TOMS for tots pair as a baby gift. Give a gift card to a teacher for teacher appreciation day. Give a gift card to that person who has everything.

buy. TOMS!

-Raigan

What I Love Wednesdays: Fall

The weather is just right, cool enough for flannel and leggings but warm enough that you don't have to break out a coat larger then most little kids. Trees you never noticed on your daily drives have erupted in color. The anticipation for Halloween and thanksgiving start to build with constant reminders in almost every store. Your local pumpkin patch finally opens and you get to re-live being 5 again. It's the best season of all, at least I'm pretty sure. Here, it's pretty chilly most days but as Missouri always does, the temperature changes on a dime to about 80 degrees Fahrenheit. For now, I'll enjoy watching my little brother run around in leaves and pumpkin patches. Soon, snow will cover the ground and trips to the park won't be as accessible, but I hope the little guy isn't too heartbroken.

-Raigan

She wants to do her own thing and she doesn't care if anyone is watching

Yo party people...

So, I've been in a smidgen of a rut. Actually, a rather large rut. That's alright though, because coming out of it has been really good and I'm feeling content and happy again. Maybe that means my blogging will be coming back! I have an idea that's going to push me to my creative limits blogging wise and it'll consume large amounts of time. I think that's what I need, to be occupied I mean. The more I'm bored and alone the more I think scary things. I'm going to try and be surrounded by those I love, and just take things one day at a time. Observing all the wonderful things I've been blessed with. Tell me four things you're thankful for....

1. CAMERAS 2. LOVE 3. BOOKS 4. HEATING/AIR CONDITIONING

I love you :)

-Raigan

Where the Wild Things Are

Homecoming was fun, I don't have hardly any pictures though. I know that's a little shocking considering you know....who I am....but still I just wasn't in a photographic mood.

This weekend has been a little odd. I'm thinking about life...my goals, who I am, the choices I make. All of this has been brought about by something that freaks me out and breaks my heart all at once. I just hope that if someday anyone reading this is considering suicide, that you think twice. That you tell somebody who will help you. That you don't do it.

I don't know how I feel about suicide...really, I don't. As a Catholic, I'm told that I'm supposed to believe that it's wrong, that the Lord has a plan for life and death and it is not our place to mess with it. As myself, I understand having emotions so clouded that it seems like a good idea to end pain at the time, to just stop everything. From the perspective of "what if it were my family member" I cannot imagine so much hurt or so many questions left after a life that will never, and can never, be answered. I would like to say I believe it's cowardly or that I believe that it's wrong or that I think it's selfish, but I just cannot. I believe in a merciful Lord, one who understands human suffering...so I also cannot believe that that Lord would view it as horrible. I can't bring myself to define a person who is obviously in intense emotional pain as selfish. I cannot make myself believe that it's wrong, when clearly at least one person views it as the only thing that's right.

Your thoughts? Please?

-Raigan

p.s. I'm not considering suicide, just to clarify

The only way to really know is to really let it go

On rare occasions, my camera does cool things

Today has not been a good day. It's pretty much that simple. I'm really really frustrated because I just cannot find a pair of jeans that fits decent and looks decent...I don't know what's wrong with me. Seriously, I don't feel that weirdly shaped sooooo shouldn't their be a pair of jeans for me? I hate putting this out there but hey who knows maybe someone will have advice? I have no butt at all but i definitely have hips and thighs? Oh and my calves and everything else are pretty normal....just the hips and thighs area is the biggest and on top of that, apparently my legs are freakishly short because even when i buy short sizes, I have to get them shortened. Anyone else have this problem?

On a lighter note....

I saw Jennifer's body! It was really good actually, I was expecting it to be some stupid movie about megan fox being sexy while killing people but it was actually good!!! I laughed a lot and was really sad when they killed off Colin :( We missed the first 15 minutes haha but that's ok! We pretty much figured it out haha

Do you have someone you would really want to call and just tell all your feelings to? Like, just call when you're having a really bad day and let it all out and wait for their advice? I have one but he's a little bit famous so i'm pretty sure it'll never happen....well unless fate somehow gets on my side someday

I hope you guys have all had a lovely weekend


-Raigan

Oh. Em. Gee.

this one time...I showed off how gangster I really am

So OK I just finished writing part of a script for a skit......in SPANISH!

es muy loco...

I'm in Spanish 2 this year and I really have no idea how that's possible. Sure, I've finished Spanish 1. Sure, this is my third year of Spanish class. But i seriously have no idea what is going on half the time. I just have to get through one more year after this haha let's hope it goes bueno.

Oh and as for homecoming, that's next week. Getting dates screwed up is always the worst. This one time last year my mom thought I had a doctors appointment and had someone drop me off and I didn't have one...it was awful haha. I have weird abandonment and time issues. Like, I cannot stand being early for something. I have to be RIGHT on time or like a few minutes late to feel like everything is OK in the world. Weird?

-Raigan

It's the way you do the things you do that make me fall in love with you

My goodness how hectic life can get once school starts. But then again I feel like most of the time I'm a little lost. I understand that school is still completely new to me but I just hate not feeling like I fit as much as I used to. I guess that's what happens when you get used to being with the same people for nine years...hmph!

I've been thinking a lot lately about the end of the world and it's made me come to some conclusions....
you know how everyone says that everyday could be your last so you should live life to the fullest? Well, if most people believe this, then why do we waste our lives away at jobs we hate or in cold classrooms learning when we should be out there fulfilling dreams?


I don't know...lately I've just felt like I'm not doing anything productive with my life. Don't get me wrong, I'm so lucky and thankful to have all that I have, but at times I just feel like I need to be doing more or giving more or helping more. I want to be in Africa...how does one arrange that?

I also just want to start a career. I know that at 14 that sounds a little crazy, but all I want right now is to do photography for bands. Gosh I want that soooo bad. I understand the importance of education and I'm so grateful that I've had the opportunity to have one, but another piece of me just thinks about how much I could accomplish if I didn't have to go to school everyday.

Well I guess that's my little bit of rambling for the week....

-Raigan


PS: homecoming hair? someone help me...please!

Football season is the best season

Sometimes I really miss people and don't even know it until I'm around them for a while. Well, to everyone I spent time with yesterday....I missed you. It was a good day and I'm really glad that everyone is loving their new schools and what not. Gosh I'm typing this listening to some really cheesy mellow Miley Cyrus music and I'm actually getting a little emotional. What?!

I've been messing around with new makeup. Liquid liner? I don't know, I think it looks pretty good. Hm....I hope everyone's doing well and having a fairly good time at school. I mean really, how good can it be, it's school?

My English class may be showing the Invisible Children documentary and oh my gosh I'm so excited because my teacher was all impressed with ym knowledge. Haha! It was cool, we watched Hotel Rwanda (makes me cry) then had a long conversation about genocide. It was good to hear it being brought up in school because sometimes I feel like people forget that it really is still going on today and that it's not one of those things that's like "wow that's terrible that genocide happened" when it should be "wow genocide IS happening, what can i do to help?"

I love government and English class for sure.

-Raigan

The sweetest suites around

Did I ever mention that I'm loving school? The first football game was last week, and it was a total blast. It was the first time I've ever really felt like myself around all these cool new people, and I'm really thankful that I got to go. Alejandra (the one in the blue and yellow tank top) is probably my best friend so far, she's been nothing but sweet and amazing to me and I'm so excited to see where our friendship goes this year. The first week felt like an eternity, but it's gotten a lot better now that I actually know what's going on most of the time. I'm trying out for cheerleading and I'm really hoping to make it because I just feel like it'd be a great way to get involved. So I guess we'll see where that goes.
Labor Day weekend means the Mizzou Illini game, it also means downtown St.Louis. I'm in love with it. I'm also in love with the park around the Arch, the river front...pretty much everything about St. Louis I love. The first night we went downtown for the battle of the bands which was fun, then we just walked around. Then on Saturday we got up and went to eat and it was raining which just sucked. But, thankfully, it stopped soon enough and we got to go do fun stuff down by the stadium (it's where the Rams play). We went to the arch and the park by there. We took soooooo many pictures and these are just a few, there were a bunch of really good ones but I'm tired for one and for two, there are just wayyyy to many! It was a really good time, and I'm thankful for the rain because of fun puddle pictures. I cannot wait for my senior pictures someday.

-Raigan

there is nothing you can teach me that i can't learn from mister hathaway

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who checked out Art Feeds, it really does mean a ton to me. I really believe in what they do, and getting the word out about them just brightens my day and i hope yours too!!!

I'm officially a freshman. I'm not going to lie, this was one of the most nerve wracking weeks of my entire life. My first day really was scary. Lunch was awful, but now i've got it figured out. Everything has seemed to have fallen into place, things go rather smoothly with the daily routine and i'm so thankful to have made the friends I have made so far! I have yet to meet a mean person, which is always a plus!

My art and english classes are the ones i'm most excited about! I cannot wait to tell you guys more about them!!!

I'm really crunched for time and tired and busy but hey, that's why we love school, right?

Well I hope you all have a wonderful week and i'll comment soon i really do promise!

-Raigan

This. Is. Important.

Ok guys I really really need your help! As you probably already know, i really really support Art Feeds and everything they stand for. Art Feeds is an organization that provides art programs for schools. They provide a creative outlet for kids who otherwise wouldn't have anything else! Well, right now they're really hoping to provide aid for Africa.

You guys, they're awesome!!!! And here is where your help comes in :)

Paypal. Wanna make a donation? Here sweety let me help you! haha! Well I'm going to provide you guys with a widget to help them out, and you're also going to be helping ME out! If i get the most donations, I also get a bunch of really sweet loot from the lovely folks at Art Feeds!!!

And you guys can add it to your page too! It really is not about winning, it's about helping out!

Ok so if you could help, thank you soooooo much!!! The widget will be in the side bar, and I'll update you on my first week of school later.

THANK YOU

-Raigan

Once upon a time

There was a little girl. Not just any little girl, but a very interesting girl with a lot of plans, dreams, hopes and emotions. But one day she woke up...and she wasn't really a little girl anymore. She had all sorts of responsibilities and more practical things to think about then her hopes to tour with a band, be a makeup artist, a mommy, and a photographer. For a very long while she was all down and depressed about thinking there was no way she could ever achieve these dreams....but then she remembered something.

If you don't believe in your dreams, who else is going to?

-Raigan

Here Goes Nothin

I have a stripe

those are an after and a before

Someone tell me that you also feel as if NeverShoutNever! basically knows your whole life and puts it into music....because if I'm the only one.....well then that's awfully frightening. The new song, the un-named one that I'm pretty sure he's naming 15, is truthfully all me in a song. I can see my cousin writing that for me. Awwww haha

Well yeah, tell me how you feel about this hair dealio, pleaaaase?

I'm feeling like quite the narcissist today....hmph.

-Raigan

Stay Close, Don't Go

Adventures to malls, Ulta, Sephora, Chuck E. Cheese's, Justice.....these were all adventures had on my long weekend. From Friday to Wednesday I was with my wonderful family whom I missed very very very much. My aunt Emily had a baby on the 15th and I had to see his sweet little face in something other then pictures, so the journey was made without warning but in a way that was great. I got to see my absolute favorite cousin for the first time in months, hugs were abundant and so was bonding with each other. I missed that kid. Ben, that's my favorite cousin's name, is super chill and a great listener. One day my cousins Max, Murphy, Gabby, and I took a little trip down to Chuck E. Cheese's. We found the coolest Target and took pictures. We also found one of the worst advertisements on a kid's ride I've ever seen in my life. King of Beer? Epic fail Chuck E. Cheese's, epic fail.

Another epic fail was brought to my attention for another time this weekend. I wish it was something that never ever ever had to be brought to my attention, I wish crimes against humanity weren't something ever brought to any one's attention due to the fact that they shouldn't exist. But sadly this isn't a perfect world and they are, in fact, a part of our lives.

There is a crisis in Darfur. I'm not sure of how aware you are of this crisis...this genocide. Really, I'm not so sure of how aware I am of all of this, but I do know that it breaks my heart. I know that the people there should not be oppressed, beaten, raped. I know that America really needs to help out, reach out. If you guys want more information about Darfur, you should go read this this. Actually, read that whole blog. Like....explore and such, because Mary is awesome. And she does a lot for Darfur. I adore her :)

I also know of an amazing organization organized by a lovely girl called Art Feeds. Please check out their myspace? It would mean a lot to me :)

I don't know how I feel about this post. I'm tired and grateful all at once. I also realize that that's probably the least I could say about the crisis in Darfur...don't judge me? please?

Happy first week of school to some of you :)

-Raigan

Good Intentions

I had the best of intentions for this weekend and this week really, I had some things planned I wanted to do for the blog but instead life went along with it's funny way of changing those plans. The only thing I've really accomplished is getting a Jack's Mannequin CD and I've also picked up my school schedule and looked at my locker.

My brother's birthday party went well, he's such a sweetie and although I wish he would stay little forever, every step of his life (yes, step. he's taking some of those now) has been a cute and snugly adventure.

So I guess I'll leave you with some pictures of me and my family...and some of me and my cousin being cheese balls :)

I strongly recommend that everyone goes to see 500 Days of Summer, it's sweet and adorable and hilarious and I loved it!

Have a great weekend and, for some of you, last week of summer!

-Raigan

Currently Listening to: Before We Go Down by Carter Hulsey